Happy Birthday
by like-lions
Summary: Freddie Benson reflects on his unborn child with Sam. Kind of sad, kind of touching. R&R. :


A/N: So, I'm trying to get on the fast track to updating my stories, I know I've been slacking off and procrastinating big time, but I'm trying to do better now. I heard this song, and after reading some of the stories written about the topic, I thought this song fit it perfectly. It's set in the future, probably when Sam and Freddie are in their mid-twenties, and yeah. The song is by Flipsyde and it's called Happy Birthday. You should really listen to it as you read this, it's truly touching. Enjoy! (:

**Happy Birthday**

Freddie Benson walked into his Seattle apartment, throwing his jacket over the back of one of the dining room chairs. He had gotten home a little early, so no one was home yet. Perfect. Every year this day was one of the hardest for him to think about. It brought back memories about the one he lost, and what his life with Sam could have been like if he had made a different decision.

**Ten years Ago…**

_Freddie awoke to the loud knocking coming from the front door. His sleepy eyes drifted towards the bedside clock. It was seven o'clock, and a Saturday. Not even his mother woke him up this early on the weekends. He reluctantly got out of bed, went downstairs and looked through the peephole. Through it he saw Sam, pacing back and forth rapidly and reaching forward to knock on the door again, probably even more frantically._

"_Sam, what's up?" Freddie said, running his hands through his unwashed hair, "It's seven in the morning…"_

"_Don't you think I know that!" Sam snapped, a look of regret on her face the second she said it, "Look, I'm sorry, I'm just…stressed, I guess."_

"_About what? Did your mom lock you out of the house again? I told you to put a backup key somewhere. I'm sure my mom has one from the last ti—"_

"_Look it isn't that," Sam said, her eyes empty, and scared, "Do you remember that time Carly and Spencer went to go visit Grand-Dad, and you walked in on me borrowing some food from their fridge?"_

"_Yeah, borrowing…" Freddie said, rolling his eyes._

"_And you remember how we ended up sitting on the couch, watching that scary movie," Sam said, trying to get to the point, "And you leaned into me like a dork, and…well…stuff happened?"_

"_Okay, if you're gonna hurt me for that, remember, I was probably delusional, and—"_

"_I'm pregnant."_

"_What? How? But…I…" Freddie said, confused._

"_Look, I know it's not your problem," Sam said, "And you don't have to worry about it."_

"_What do you mean I don't have to worry about it?"_

**End Flashback**

After that they had a long talk about the entire situation. Sam brought up how her mom told her that an abortion was the only way it would work out, seeing as she was broke, and Freddie's mom would probably never let her see him again. It was the hardest choice of his life. Every year on this day, he would drive past an elementary school on his way to work, look out into the playground and see kids that would have been his son or daughter's age. He wondered what they would have been like. If they would have been like Freddie, or even like Sam.

_Please accept my apologies, I wonder what would have been_

_Would you have been a little angel or an angel of sin?_

_Tom-boy running around, hanging with all the guys_

_Or a little tough boy with beautiful brown eyes_

He and his mom had to fork over the money for the procedure, and it was something Freddie hated thinking about. Not because of the money, not because his mom was mad at him, but because he knew that he was paying for his own child to die.

_I paid for the murder before they determined the sex,_

_choosing our life over your life meant your death_

_And you never got a chance to even open your eyes,_

_sometimes I wonder as a fetus if you fought for your life_

After that, everything seemed to go on like normal. It was one of the weirdest things ever for him. No one seemed to speak of it again, not even Sam, but it was all he could think about. He wondered if they were just holding in their feelings, or if they didn't have them at all.

_Would you have been a little genius? In love with math?_

_Would you have played in your school_

_clothes and made me mad?_

He tried to console himself with all of the reasons why the child wasn't better off with Freddie and Sam, not in that time, not in the situation they were in. But deep down inside he knew that people had done it before. Sam's mom had done if for her. And sure, she wasn't perfect, but she was still a good, decent person when you got right down to it.

_I got a million excuses, as to why you died_

_And other people got their own reasons for homicide_

_Who's to say it would've worked and_

_who's to say I wouldn't have_

_I was young and struggling, but old enough to be a dad_

"Hello?" A voice called out from the hall, "Anyone here? Freddie?"

"Oh, hey! Sorry, I must have zoned out…"

It was Sam, now in her mid-twenties, he was still with her. He was still with the crazy psychopath with a heart of gold. History like that you can't erase.

"Daddy!" a little voice squealed as a three year old boy with brown hair and blue eyes ran towards him. His name was Charlie, and whenever Freddie looked at him, he felt a mixture of happiness and sadness. Happiness because he was his little boy, and sadness because he knew he would have had a big brother or sister if Freddie had made a different decision ten years prior.

_But now you got a little brother, maybe it's really you_

_Maybe you really forgave us knowing we was confused_

_Maybe, every time that he smiles it's you proudly_

_knowing that your father's doing the right thing now_

Every year on this day, Freddie Benson would look up at the sky and say a few words to the child that never was. He would tell them how he was doing, how Sam was doing, but most of all, he would tell them "Happy Birthday".

_And from the Heavens to the womb to the Heavens again_

_From the ending to the ending, never got to begin_

_Maybe one day we can meet face to face,_

_in a place without time and space._

_Happy birthday_


End file.
